Curiosity Killed The Prude
Published April 12th, 2008
The lifestyle allows doors to be opened that some have never previously considered. The truth is, whether you’re an old-pro or a novice to the lifestyle, there are aspects of an all-encompassing sexual experience that you may not have even dreamed of. You’ve tested the waters of multiple encounters. Feel like taking it a step further? Then a fetish party is the perfect place to satisfy your curiosities.
Fetish parties are often a compromise between a full-out no clothing required party - and a bar scene. Rather than a private setting, some are held in public bars with a closed door policy.
Dress to kill. Or at least, dress to moisten. Like any lifestyle party, this is the golden opportunity to pull out every complicated piece of clothing known to woman-kind: corsets, latex, fish nets whatever is form fitting. What do the guys wear? That’s pretty much irrelevant. The fetish-scene is often mixed with Goth/industrial. Many regulars will dress accordingly, but the unpretentious nature of this crowd is open to a variety of tastes.
Note that at some of these parties, the bar will open to the public later. So, ladies, the assless chaps might be overly inviting to Joe Frat Boy who stumbles in at 12:30.
If these parties are set in a public place, there will be no sex and no full-nudity. Not only are you testing your physical boundaries, but your self-control as well. These soirees are one great big tease-fest. But, after 2-3 hours of pleasing and teasing, everybody involved is ready to, um, move the party to a private location.
It’s important to remember a fetish party is distinctively different from a swing party, though it may produce the same results. The point of a fête de fetish is to push the limits. Being completely comfortable with your sexuality (as a couple and an individual) and knowing what does and does not fit into your comfort-zone is essential.
When you get there; walk into the bar, get a drink and - if you’re brave enough - take a glance into the private room. There you will find a myriad of whips, cuffs, shockers, rope and leather. You’ve thought about spanking and being spanked. Now’s your chance to try it out. You feel like being a sub? Or a domme?
Welcome to Fetish 101. This course will offer a general overview of what BDSM has to offer. It’s important, if this is your first time being disciplined, that your partner be either the domme or be a close observer. There will also be teachers on hand to find your fine line of pleasure and pain. It’s important that a significant other study their partner’s boundaries.
Remember that delving into BDSM is psychological as well as physical. It’s about submitting yourself and being a merciful master. The tools are as varied as the pleasure scale. This is about tantalizing a person to the point of climax without penetration. Some eager dommes may be urged to let loose on a tender subs ass. Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is not all gimps and ball gags. There are much subtler approaches before you get to that Pulp Fiction scene.
The best and more effective ways to make a sub cringe require diverse sensations. A good way to start warming up the ass or any other body part is to simply bend them over and run a Wartenburg wheel across it. Wartenburg wheels are the pizza-cutteresque tool doctors use to check foot reflexology. A great way to wake up every nerve ending. Very often a leather spanking bench will be available as a good place to bend somebody over and tenderize them. Then, pick up a paddle and give a few healthy smacks. Leather paddles, riding crops, rabbit-fur tipped cat-o-nine tails, floggers, leather gloves - there are tons of accessories to test the world of flagellation. If you’re brave try an electro-shock wand (not for the faint of heart).
The sensation of hard then soft is what will produce a wet reaction the fastest- so remember to rule with a firm whip, followed by a soft touch. The bench is a good way to gauge not only the weight behind your spank but your partner’s limits. Getting into the world of specific fetish fantasies requires some trial and error. Listen and watch how your sub reacts.
Ever wonder what it feels like to be chained to a wall while someone else has their way with your derrière? Here’s your chance. A well-known tool used by BDSM virgins and the connoisseurs is the St. Andrew’s cross. A huge wooden X to restrain wrists, ankles and waist.
This is the first major step into BDSM and this is where the rules of proper dominating and submission are especially important. Periodically making sure your sub is comfortable is a must. At this point you’ll want to clearly discuss a “safe word” in case restraints get too tight or pain overrides pleasure. And “ow” isn’t going to cut it. Go for something random: platypus, banana, or gremlin. Above all, leave your inhibitions at the door. This is the opportunity for type-A’s to give up their power and for type-B’s to get off from the pure power trip.
Letting Go of Pre-Conceived Notions
Being a submissive or a dominate should not be determined by sexual stereotypes. This is a chance for a power exchange and blurring of traditional roles. The sub does not have to simply surrender to the domme’s whip. The sub should try to please their master without worry of disapproval. Any good sub should try to do what their master likes, but there should be no risk of long-term humiliation. After all, if a master or a mistress dangles a forbidden fruit in front of you, it’s hard not to steal a taste.
As I said, BDSM is psychological penetration. It’s about teasing, denial, flirting and direct domination. It is a fetish best indulged with a lasting partner first. Trust is essential. But public experimentation found at fetish parties is a great way to break the ice and understand the mechanics of debauchery. Get your hands on some leather, get kinky and get in touch with your inner-deviant.
Continue to look for Jade’s tips on BDSM. Fetish 201: Tighten the Leash: A Guide to Bondage.