How To Get Your Wife To Have A Threesome
Published April 15th, 2008
So you want to know how to get yourself into a threesome. This article is really written for men trying to talk their wife/girlfriend into a FMF (female-male-female), because, let’s face it; the male fantasy of two women at once is an extremely popular one. However, if you are a woman who wants a MFM (male-female-male), a lot of the advice about your relationship will still apply to you.
Before you bring the subject of a threesome up, there’s some work you need to do. You’re going to want to take stock of your relationship and see if you can discover how secure your wife feels with you. Here are some things you might want to think about: Do you flirt with other women enough that it makes your wife/girlfriend unhappy? Do you sometimes pay more attention to others than you do to her? Do you go out at night sometimes without telling her where you are, or do you neglect to answer the phone when she calls you? Behaviors like these will make her unsure of where she stands with you, and will lead to insecurity on her part. She will be too threatened by the idea of another woman in your bed to go along with it. Even worse, suspicious behavior on your part (such as staying out late and not calling) will make her suspicious of your motives when you ask for a threesome. She may think you have already met someone and are just trying to get them both in the same bed.
If you think you may have been neglecting your relationship, then the first thing you need to do before bringing up the topic of a threesome is to fix it. Make sure you pay attention to your partner and tell her how wonderful she is and how much she means to you. Compliment her looks, tell her how sexy she is to you and how much you enjoy spending time with her, both in and out of the bedroom. Don’t leave her anything to be threatened about. If your partner is insecure, she is going to paste her own insecurities onto your desire to have a threesome. She might think, “This is just because he wants someone whose younger/skinnier/with bigger tits/more exciting in bed/ etc.” So what you need to do to lay your groundwork is make sure she knows you love her exactly the way she is.
While we’re discussing making her feel secure, here’s another rule for you: don’t even think about suggesting someone specific for the threesome. Now I’m aware that if you’ve been fantasizing about a threesome then you’ve more than likely put someone specific in that bed in your mind. Maybe you even know someone you are attracted to that you feel might be interested. I’m sorry, but just don’t mention this person to your partner (at least not up front; if she asks you for suggestions later it might be okay). I’m sorry, but if you say to your wife “I’d like to have a threesome; I think so-and-so might do it?” what she will hear is “I really want to fuck so-and-so. I thought if I offered to include you then you wouldn’t be mad at me.” Now she feels threatened, and even if she does eventually agree to a threesome it definitely won’t be with the girl you suggested. Tell your partner that the important thing for you is sharing this experience with them; tell them they can pick whoever they are comfortable with to join you.
You also need to be sure your relationship is stable and long-term. If you are already married this doesn’t really apply to you. But if you’re thinking about having a threesome with your girlfriend, you should ask if you’re likely to still be with her in a year. If the answer is no, she’s going to be less likely to say yes. She knows just as well as you do that you aren’t likely to last in the long term or get married. So why would she risk bringing someone else into the bed (or the relationship) that you could like better than her? Not to mention the possibility of word getting out after the two of you break up. Many (not all!) men see a threesome as a great story that will make them seem like “the man” if they share it with their friends. Many (not all!) women see a threesome as kind of a kinky, dirty secret that would reflect badly on them if it ever got out. At the very least, she needs to absolutely trust you to keep quiet about it.
So if you’re ready to talk about it, how do you bring it up? Well, one good lead-in tactic is to ask her if she’s ever thought about being with another woman. When she asks why, you can say something like “Well, I’ve been thinking about the possibility of us having a threesome, but I didn’t know if you were interested in women, and I wanted it to be as good for you as for me.” This lets her know that you’re concerned about her pleasure and not just your own.
If she is interested in women, you’re in great shape. You can move on to discussing what kind of woman she would want and what you would both hope to get out of it. Be patient with her and you’ll get further; if she’s never discussed this with anyone it may be difficult or embarrassing for her at first. Reaffirm that her fantasies are very normal and extremely erotic to you.
If she has no interest in women, she might very well still be interested in a threesome. You should also bring up the idea of a MFM threesome, if it’s something you’re comfortable with. After all, if she is going to share you, it’s only fair you share her as well. By letting her know you’re willing to let her have two guys at once, you’re showing her again that this is about pleasure for both of you and not just your own needs. You can even use the MFM threesome as your lead-in when you first begin the discussion; ask her if she’s ever thought about having two men at once. She may be more comfortable initially with the idea of a MFM threesome because you’re talking about bringing someone into your bed you have no interest in. Once you’ve talked about the possibilities of MFM, the door is open to discuss FMF.
It’s important that she understands this is only about sex for you, that you’re not looking for a girlfriend on the side or to replace her in the relationship in any way. Make sure she realizes you are lacking for nothing in this relationship, either emotionally or sexually. If she is secure enough to view another woman in your bed as merely an accessory to your already great sex life you shouldn’t have any problems.
Disclaimer: I’m not an advice columnist; I have no degrees in psychology or human relationships. I’m just your average swinger who thinks about things a lot, and I thought it was a good idea to write down some of my own thoughts and opinions about the lifestyle. If this can help you in any way to navigate your own way through the lifestyle, that’s fantastic. But I may be wrong sometimes, and you should always remember to use your own best judgment.