Guide To The Swingers Lifestyle For A Single Female
Published Aug 9th, 2008
Checking out the lifestyle can be intimidating for a single, since it is primarily about couples. As a single female, you’ll find if you simply post a profile and a few pictures to a swinger’s website, you’ll soon be receiving emails every day from interested couples. The number of options you have to choose from can be overwhelming! As a single female, I’m sure there are two main things are wondering as you consider the lifestyle – 1) is it right for me? 2) Is it safe for a single woman? I’m going to attempt to cover both these topics – safety in swinging and what to expect as a single female in the lifestyle.
For a single female, swinging is a no-strings attached way to get laid without ending up in a relationship you don’t want right now (if you are too busy with work/life commitments for a partner, for example, or if you are moving frequently). If you have already decided not to have a serious relationship right now swinging can be a safer and less emotionally draining alternative to meeting single men, either at bars or on the internet. If you are interested in safe, wild, no-strings-attached sex then the lifestyle is for you. Also if you like to keep your sex life separate from your normal, everyday life there is no reason for anyone to suspect what you do on the weekends!
Then there’s the consideration that swinging offers a unique opportunity – the chance to meet with couples for a threesome. If you are bisexual or just curious, be assured, many swinging females are bisexual and many swingers couples would love to meet with a single bisexual woman. Such a thing is so rare and desirable in the lifestyle it’s become known by a special name – bisexual single females are referred to as “unicorns”, because everyone wants one but no one seems to be able to find one. As I said, if you sign on to a swinger’s website as a single female, you’ll have your pick of almost any couple in your area. And don’t worry – if you’re straight, you’ll still find many couples who would love to meet you.
Meeting swinging couples instead of single men can also be a better emotional experience, since a couple you have a one-night stand with is more likely to treat you with respect and want a friends-with-benefits relationship. Also, since they are already in love with each other, you don’t have to worry about romantic feelings developing, as could happen in a sexual relationship with a man. One of the huge differences between the lifestyle and the “vanilla” world is that in the lifestyle you will never be made to feel cheap or uncomfortable for wanting sex – your sex and sexuality are seen as a natural, desirable part of who you are. The word slut just isn’t spoken in the lifestyle (except as an endearment).
Of course, there are plenty of single men in the lifestyle. If you are looking for the possibility of a long-term relationship – albeit one that is open to the idea of sharing your bed with others – then you could very well find one. It is considerably more difficult, however, to verify that single men are who they are claiming to be. Once you have spoken with both members of a couple over the phone you know they are both swingers. It’s very difficult, however, to prove that a man is single and swinging as opposed to married and just fantasizing. Many single men will flake out of meeting you over and over again for just that reason. Also, single men aren’t as widely accepted in the lifestyle and won’t be admitted into many swingers’ parties, which means it’s more likely you’d have to meet them one-on-one. If you’re interested in meeting a swinging single male, my advice would be to meet couples first, and then ask around among your swinger friends for recommendations. Be very careful of guys who ask to meet you at parties and pretend to be a couple so you can both get in…. how do you know they are really interested in you and not just looking for a free ticket into the party? And once word gets around (and it will!) that you were helping single males come into a party, you’re not likely to be invited back.
So what’s the safest way for a female to meet couples online? Start slow! Exchange some emails, then maybe chat on IM or over the phone to get a feel for the couple you are talking to. You should always verify a couple is real either on webcam or over the phone before agreeing to meet them in a public place. You can block your number when placing phone calls if you are concerned about your privacy. If a couple seems pushy, makes excuses as to why they can’t both be on the phone (she’s just never around, for example) or wants you to come to their house, just drop it. There are way too many couples out there who will want to meet you for you to get involved in something that feels at all “off” to you.
Another good way to get started is by visiting lifestyle clubs or parties. Ask to speak to the owner directly on the phone, and explain to him/her that you are single, new to the lifestyle, and interested in attending their party. They should be quite accommodating. Show up early to get a tour of the place and meet the staff. Remember, as a single female at a swinger’s party, YOU ARE IN CHARGE. Almost every couple here is interested in you, and if anyone does anything that makes you uncomfortable, it’s going to make a lot of people upset with them. All you have to say is no, and you should never have to say it more than once. Should someone persist in bothering you, inform the staff/owners that this person is making you uncomfortable and they will more than likely be ejected from the event. The last thing anyone wants to see is for you to be uncomfortable, or for you to leave. This gives YOU the power.
Probably the best, safest, easiest way to dip your toes into the lifestyle is this: Sign up for a club or party on a swinger’s website, and then email some of the attractive couples who are attending the event. Explain to them that you are new to the lifestyle and would like to meet them for drinks. This way you have already met some people once you attend the party and it won’t be too overwhelming. Remember, you can take it as slow as you want to, just because you’re at a swinger’s party doesn’t obligate you to do anything. One other thing… as a single female, I would plan on driving so you aren’t drinking a lot. It’s doubtful that anyone would take advantage of you, especially if you have friends around, but you’re going to want to have your head on straight. Once you get more comfortable you may choose to have a couple that is a close friend DD for you sometimes, that is up to you.
Probably the best thing about the lifestyle is that it lets you, as a woman, explore your sexuality fully without the fear of being told that anything you do is “wrong”, or having people treat you as if you are “cheap”, the way that sometimes happens in the real world. If you suspect that you are a freak but have never had the chance to act upon it… if you are bisexual or just curious about what another woman has to offer you… if you enjoy dressing up, showing off, or being an exhibitionist… you should give the lifestyle a try. You might be surprised what you discover about yourself!
Disclaimer: I’m not an advice columnist; I have no degrees in psychology or human relationships. I’m just your average swinger who thinks about things a lot, and I thought it was a good idea to write down some of my own thoughts and opinions about the lifestyle. If this can help you in any way to navigate your own way through the lifestyle, that’s fantastic. But I may be wrong sometimes, and you should always remember to use your own best judgment.