Swingers Guide On How To Protect Your Privacy On The Internet
Published Aug 9th, 2008
There are two common misconceptions about the lifestyle that many new couples begin with, and although opposite in nature, both misconceptions can be harmful. Many are afraid to enter the lifestyle, are afraid to post pictures, afraid to attend parties, because they believe the second they meet someone they know in the real world they will be outed and fired from their job, or suffer other negative consequences. The fact is that real swingers will almost never out you because they are in the same boat you are! If you see someone from work at a lifestyle party, they can’t very well go tell your boss on Monday, can they? They were at the same party! Not to mention they would never be allowed back into that party again once you told the owner – so they have more to lose than you! The truth is that as long as you are careful and reveal your identity only to those you are sure are real swingers with an identity of their own to protect you stand very little chance of being found out in the “real world”.
The other misconception is probably more harmful: some couples, especially younger ones, come to this with the belief they have nothing to lose. They share pictures with whoever asks, not realizing that not everyone on a lifestyle website is actually in the lifestyle. Unfortunately it is very common for men to sign up for websites just so they can collect pictures, with no intention of ever meeting face-to-face. These men may list themselves as single men, couples, or even single females. They may also attempt to get you to talk dirty with them, either over IM or webcam. These men are often in a relationship, but their wife or girlfriend has no idea what they are up to. This is an unfortunate fact of life and it occurs on all websites; however, all websites have ways (some better than others) to distinguish the fake from the real. Be very careful who you share your pictures with – if it turns out someone was not real, they may turn up in places you never expected!
The good news is there are things you can do to safeguard your identity and make sure your sexy pictures are going out to sexy couples you want to meet. I’ll go over two things in this article: First, how to use the tools on this website to best protect your privacy, and second, how to tell the swingers from the fakers.
Picture Sharing
Wicked Garden has three levels of pictures: public, private, and extra. Also you have a default picture that you choose which represents you on the site. I’m going to go over some basic guidelines for these albums. Although it is up to you how you use them, if you use them in the suggested manner it will help protect your identity.
Default picture
This picture is from your public album and is chosen by you to represent you on the website. It shows up next to your profile when someone does a search, next to your screen name when you send an email, and next to your posts in the forums. This is the only picture in which Wicked Garden doesn’t allow nudity. This is also the only picture free members can see! So if someone created an account today and signed up for the first time, they can still see this picture. It is in your best interest not to post a picture that identifies you! Although you are free to do so if you wish, if you post a face picture as your default you are allowing anyone who logs on the site to see that you are a swinger – even if they do not post a similarly identifying picture of themselves. Something to keep in mind! On the other end of the spectrum… some people are so concerned about protecting their identity they choose to post no picture at all. It is very difficult to get your profile viewed by other swingers if you don’t post a picture on it! I would suggest a body shot, no nudity and no faces, something that gets people interested without giving away too much. If you are concerned about tattoos you can edit them off. And if you are absolutely sure you can’t post any kind of picture of yourself at all, you are free to post something else… your boat, your motorbike, a nice shot of the sunset you took on vacation last year, whatever you like. Just be sure it doesn’t identify you, and keep in mind you still won’t get as many profile views as you would with a body picture. (Also keep in mind you can’t post anything illegal! And no photos of people who aren’t you!) Even a picture of the sunset will get you more attention than a blank image, I promise!
Public album
You are allowed to post nudity or sexual acts in your public album if you wish. The only rules are nothing illegal (minors, drug use, etc.) offensive (racist, sexist, homophobic, etc.) or violent. (Keep in mind that these are just examples and aren’t meant to be all-inclusive… if you have questions about precisely what is or isn’t permitted see our Terms of Use document on the log in page.) Only a paid member can see your public album. However, just because someone has paid doesn’t mean they are real! All paid members are going to have access to your public pictures. So again, it’s best if you don’t post pictures that identify you! (Although, if you are not concerned about your identity, you are free to do so!) So what’s the point of having a public album, you ask? The idea is to use the public album to post enough sexy, enticing pictures of yourself to get the interest of other swingers, so they contact you! Then, once you have scoped out the situation and decided to meet them, you can open your private album so they can see who you are. Only those people you have chosen will have access to your identity!
Private album
The rules for pictures in the private album are the same as for the public one. However, unlike the public album, no one on the site can see these pictures! You have to grant a member access to your private album before they will be able to see it. No one will have access to your private pictures unless you allow it! So this is where you can post face pictures without worrying about who will recognize you. Just remember to be careful about who you grant access to! You should grant private picture access only to couples you are sure are real. Also, notice that on Wicked Garden you have the option of granting private picture access for a limited amount of time. So if you are unsure about someone but still want to grant them access (you have agreed to meet them, for example, and want them to recognize you) you can grant them access that will automatically turn off in as short a time as 24 hours! This gives them a chance to see the pictures, and if they turn out to not be real or not be someone you’re interested in, you don’t have to remember to go back and block their access to your pictures, as it expires automatically.
A note about explicit pictures
Most swingers websites do not allow you to right-click and save pictures. However, there is a way around this (I’m not going to say what it is!) that can’t be disabled. So keep in mind that there are people who can save copies of your pictures if they know their way around a computer and are so inclined. The best two things you can do to prevent this are – 1) don’t give private access to anyone you aren’t reasonably sure is a swinger and 2) don’t post anything worth re-posting. By which I mean this – regardless of how careful you are with access, and regardless of how good security is on the site, if you post a ten-picture set of four people having sex it’s likely someone will take it! If you are very concerned about pictures being taken, keep the sexually explicit pictures to a minimum, and don't make them the identifying ones! Just because you reveal your identity in some pictures doesn’t mean you can’t blank out your faces in those pictures where you are having sex. This makes these pictures worthless to repost and is probably the single best way to prevent your pictures from being used somewhere else that I can think of.
Sending pictures through email
Sometimes a couple will contact you, stating that they are a free member on the website and can’t see your pictures, and could you please send them over email? I would strongly advise against this… Now not only does this person or persons you don’t know now have your pictures, in a form they can easily save to their computer, they also have your email address! It is even possible that such a person would use your address to hack into your email or IM accounts… it is extremely rare, but I have heard of it happening on other websites. Many of these couples aren’t real anyway and there is really no good reason to give your outside email to anyone unless you have already met them and consider them a friend.
How to spot the fakers
As I said before, most fake profiles belong to men. There are two kinds – men who are actually single, and men who are cheating. Single men may sign up for a swinger’s website as a couple because they find many more couples are interested in talking to another couple than a single male. These men pretend to be couples, but don’t have any pictures, or no pictures of the male and female together, or the pictures are old (an ex-girlfriend, for example). Also, sometimes people will use stolen pictures in their profile, so if the pictures look way too good to be true, be careful! Ask to see a current, casual picture of the two of them together (keep in mind, though, it is also possible that she really is a model of some sort, or he is a professional photographer, it does happen). If you try to contact them on the phone, they may answer, but it will never be a good time for her to talk (she just isn’t around). If you set up a meeting with one of these men, one of two things will happen – either they will fail to show up, or they will show up alone and own up to the fact they were lying and then ask if you are still interested anyway. This is a good reason to always meet in a public place! The best ways to spot these fakers are: 1) No current pictures of the couple together, or pictures look too good to be true 2) you can never get in contact with her on phone or webcam, promises to call but doesn’t 3) agrees to meet and then doesn’t show up.
The other kind of faker is a man who is cheating on a wife or girlfriend who has no idea he is on the site. Such men may sign up as a couple, single male, or even as a single female. They have no intention of meeting you and are only interested in fantasizing. They may have current pictures since they are in a relationship! The best way to spot these fakers is not by pictures, but by the fact that you will never be able to talk to her on the phone or webcam because she is always “busy” or not at home, and they will never show up for a meeting, but always stand you up. In any case it’s always best not to arrange a meeting until you have talked to both members of the couple on the phone or over webcam, but if you do always keep in mind you may be stood up.
Validation
Validation is one way of assuring that a couple is real. If a couple is validated on the website, it means that someone has met them in person and they are both real people and swingers. It shouldn’t be taken as 100%, since things do happen (a couple may have broken up since they were last out in public, for example) but for the most part, if someone has been validated there is a very good chance they are real swingers and you can feel safe meeting them. If someone is not validated, ask them why – they may have a good reason for it, they may be new, or have children and can’t get out to parties much, or may live too far away. However they should have a reason!
One other way of recognizing fakers is that they are often extremely pushy in trying to get you to share pictures or engage in dirty talk over IM, or take your clothes off on webcam. It’s been my experience that most true swingers enjoy making small talk, and consider the ability to hold a normal, non-sexual conversation an important part of their attraction to someone. Also, most swingers are more concerned about when or how they can meet you in person and not so interested in talking online over and over. A fake swinger will try to get you to chat off the website, and will immediately ask you for pictures, either explicit or face pics, or will try and talk about sex. Keep this in mind – a real swinger has no need to talk dirty to you online. They can meet you and if there is a connection they can fuck you! So why would they waste time talking when they can have the real thing? A fake swinger can never meet or sleep with you so they will try to get the next best thing over the internet.
Final Thoughts
Well, I hope I haven’t scared you! Just keep these things in mind and you’ll be fine. There is no reason for you to be scared of a real swinger, they are trying to keep their lifestyle separate from the rest of their life just the same as you are, and don’t have any incentive to out you (and a lot to lose by doing so!). Also, it’s easy to use the photo albums to protect your online identity. As for the fakers out there, just be careful who you identify yourselves to, and stay clear of situations that just don’t feel right, and you should be just fine! Remember, if you really want to meet someone but are uncertain about them, you can always ask them to join you at a party or meet and greet, and exchange pictures/information once you’ve seen them face-to-face!
Disclaimer: I’m not an advice columnist; I have no degrees in psychology or human relationships. I’m just your average swinger who thinks about things a lot, and I thought it was a good idea to write down some of my own thoughts and opinions about the lifestyle. If this can help you in any way to navigate your own way through the lifestyle, that’s fantastic. But I may be wrong sometimes, and you should always remember to use your own best judgment.