Swinging Lifestyle FAQ
Published April 25th, 2008
Okay, you finally made the jump to walk on the wild side. Maybe you have been to a few Swinger Clubs or Parties. Maybe you have met some other Swingers, hung out and had a great time. That is great! I would like to be the first one to congratulate you on officially being a Swinger. Maybe you are new to this, but are still very interested. Whatever the level you are at, you still might have some questions that need to be answered. Where do you go with those questions? Who can you ask? My name is Marissa. I have been in the lifestyle for 5 years. I have a wonderful husband who is in this with me every step of the way. We have been married for 10 years. We are both committed to each other but we have decided to spice up our sex life with swinging. I have always been asked for my opinion on various topics by both newbies and regular swingers. The following is a list of questions that have been asked. If you have a question, it can be anything at all, please email me at marissa@wickedgarden.com. I look forward to reading your questions. Please understand that all of the answers are based on my experiences within the lifestyle in the past 5 years. I am by no means an expert, if you disagree with whatever I have said, I am sorry. I do not want to offend, hurt or upset anyone. With that said, please read and enjoy. I hope that I have all of the answers that you are looking for.
What is a Swinger?
A Swinger is a person or a couple who choose to live in a non-monogamous lifestyle. The swinger lifestyle requires you to be not only open about each other’s sexual feelings and opinions, but also trusting, understanding and able to communicate with your partner. You must make sure that you have a strong emotional relationship with your partner. Once you are able to experience this type of activity as a couple, you will be able to see the added spice in your relationship. Both of you will be able to give and receive pleasure, to enjoy and experience new things together. Once you do decide to swing, the most important thing is to view this activity as a form of expanding your existing relationship, by fulfilling your fantasies and desires and not as a way of replacing bad sex between two partners. Whether you are a voyeur, an exhibitionist, or you would like a threesome, or you just want to be with a girl. Maybe you are just a regular person interested in experiencing new things related to sex. Whether you enjoy watching your partner playing or you want to be the one to play. Maybe you are interested in being with another couple. All of these are definitions of what a Swinger is.
What are some rules that Swingers have?
There are no strict rules that every swinger is suppose to follow. However, I do have a few recommended rules that would be helpful to follow. The #1 rule is that you both enter into the swinging lifestyle together. By doing this you will gain a certain level of confidence, comfort and communication as far as the relationship is concerned. You will also be able to know your partner’s wish’s and desires. Ever time you meet a couple, you should express to them what you want and do not want with the other persons involved. Some other rules that people have is no kissing, same room only, and guys can only watch. Another rule that people have is always wear a condom. I need to explain to you how important this rule is. You have to remember that when you do not wear a condom, you are actually having sex with anyone else that they have ever had sex with. Now with that said, Swingers are the safest people around. Everyone that I know who is a swinger gets tested all of the time and most of them will say that they are D & D free on their profiles. I do believe that this is an important rule to let anyone know that you are thinking of being with. They might have assumed that you would be fine with no condoms. If this is the case, then you have every right to say thanks, but no thanks. Stick to your rules, you have them for a reason. If they really like you, then they will respect the rules that you have in place. Now, I know that there are many more rules out there, but these are just the basics to help you get started in thinking about what your rules should be.
What can you expect when you first go to a Swinger Sex Club?
A lot of clubs in different cities are designed to attract the swinger fantasies. Most Swinger clubs have some sort of theme or activities to encourage the sexy people to play. At a Swinger Sex club you should expect the music to be cranked up, everyone drinking, and to see a lot of sexy dancing. Depending on the club, you might see some playing going on right on the dance floor. Just because someone else is comfortable with playing in front of everyone, doesn’t mean that you have to be. There are usually a few rooms with a door that can be shut for privacy to play in. Usually, there is a policy, if the door is open then you are okay with other people coming in or watching. What you will see is a bunch of sexy people having a great time, socializing and seducing others. If you are not into the Swinger club scene; then a house party, meet and greet or a dinner with other swingers might be more your style. A house party or a dinner is a lot more laid back with fewer participants. Swinger events like these allow for more intimate conversations and the ability to get to know someone very well before playing. Always remember that you do not have to have sex to go to a swinger club or a get together. Swinging is all about mutual consent and only doing things that make you feel good. I would encourage you to go and check it out, see what it is like, and always start out slowly to see if it is what you want. Having a sexual encounter or not is always up to you. One of the most rewarding aspects that have come out of us being swingers is the friends that we have made. We have made so many friends in the lifestyle that we tend to hang out with them more than our vanilla friends. I know can you believe it! But it is true; we would rather hang out with like-minded individuals. Now, I know that some people are only interested in the sex part of swinging. If that is all you want to get out of swinging, then that is fine. However, my husband and I agree that once you meet another person/couple that you are interested in having sex with; get to know them and build a friendship with them. Great sex will follow. The main thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong swinging sexual activity. The only rule is to do anything that you are happy doing. If you are not comfortable with a sexual activity, just say so and don’t feel embarrassed. You are in charge of what you are going to do. You are the one to set your own limits.
Is there such a thing as Exclusive Swinging?
When you are talking about swinging, you usually do not think of the word exclusive to describe the lifestyle. I do not know any swingers in the lifestyle who would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without talking with them first. You must remember that swinging is about expanding a couple’s sex life. Swingers are usually committed to each other, they are not looking to replace their significant other or to fall in love with someone else. It is strictly about sex with other swingers and hopefully some great friendships. However, there are swingers who are interested in having an exclusive relationship with another couple. This is possible. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people when they are starting to date. Everything slowly progresses from a casual meeting, to a few dates, to eventually deciding to not see anyone else any longer. It is entirely possible for two couples to also become closer over time. Some of the people in the relationship may develop closer feelings to each other. This could lead to one couple getting jealous over the other couple. So is exclusive swinging right for you? Well you are the only one that will be able to answer that question. There is no right or wrong answer; it is based on what you want out of the lifestyle. What are your wants and needs, what are you trying to get out of the lifestyle. I would say that exclusive swinging is not considered a traditional swinging lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen sometimes.
Should I let my family know that we are Swingers?
I would lean on saying no. I know that you are proud to say that you are a swinger, but please be aware that telling your family about you being in the lifestyle could lead to many problems. Most likely your family (i.e. your parents, siblings) cannot have an open and honest discussion with you about your sex life and sexual preferences without judging you. They probably already have preconceived notions about what it means to be a swinger. You cannot blame them for thinking this way, society dictates what is viewed as “acceptable”. Swinging is not considered a mainstream activity, hence the misunderstanding of the swinging lifestyle. If you decide that you just have to let your family know that you are a swinger, please understand that they may not agree with your decision and they will most likely think differently of you in the future because of this knowledge. They may demand that you just stop swinging because they do not think it is right. I would advise anyone to play it safe – keep your sex life between you and your partner. You can never assume that someone will understand or be able to see what swinging is all about without judging you.
My kids found out that we are Swingers – What do we do now?
Isn’t the real question, Why is your sex life anyone’s business but your own? Should you ask your family what your sex life should be like, who you can have sex with, or what sexual positions you should do? No, No, and of course No. It is your business and it does not matter what anyone else thinks. I would explain to your kids that you have been married/together for X amount of years. You and your partner are both adults and have the right to live your life the way that you want to. You do not tell you kids how to live their life and you expect that they will do the same for you. You should listen to how they feel, but explain to them that this is your choice together as a couple. Do not expect them to understand, society has already drilled in them that swinging is immoral and until they are able to open their minds and realize that just because society says that something is wrong does not mean that it is wrong.