Swingtown Eposide Synopsis & Review
Season 1, Episode 1 - 'Pilot'
Written By: HUNKYNHUNY
July 2nd, 1976
The first thing you see is a bushy Tom Selleck mustache, a wedding ring and one of those old time aviation CB radios, you know, the kind with the long coiled cord? You hear "Spirit in the Sky", an eager, vocal blonde stewardess and last minute instructions to the passengers. So, we're on an airplane. You can see a stewardess on her knees sporting a swirly up-do. Taking all of this in, it appears that the pilot is receiving head from that determined blonde, she's actually trying her best to scrub away a huge coffee stain from his ooh-so sexy muscle shirt. Of course Captain Tom Decker had to remove his starched white Oxford when one of the younger attendants spilled scorching hot coffee on him. From the looks of it she must have emptied the whole pot! As it turns out, the woman on her knees attempting to remove the stain is a senior flight attendant, and she looks the part... or at least looks like she's been smoking for 30 years. Now, it quickly comes to our attention that Captain Decker has a thing for younger women. He makes his way through a smoke filled cockpit (smoking had not been banned yet) to console an embarrassed young Tammy. They exchange novel comments, "Are you OK?", "I feel terrible" "Tammy, it's OK, it was an accident!" "Your wife is gonna kill me." He then places his ringed hand on top of hers and genuinely comforts her by saying "My wife Is Going To LOVE YOU." Funny, JUST YESTERDAY my husband said those EXACT WORDS to an old friend that he had not seen in a REALLY long time!
"Love Is Lifting Me Higher"
The next scene follows a trail of clothes straight to a bed, including Tammy's badge, Captain Tom's hat and a wide terry cloth wrist band. (Wifey likes to work out, a lot). There's some sensual moaning and we see a nice pair of legs hit the floor. Here is the sexy pilots wife Trina. She states that she's thirsty, offers refreshment to the others still making out and says, "Carry On." Soooo... if you haven't figured it out by now, Tom brought Tammy home to his wife Trina who gave them both a very friendly "Welcome Home". She pops open a Tab and moseys through the living room. This affluent couples living room looks very comfortable, inviting and easy to entertain in, decorated in light earthy tones and tons of foliage. She picks up a framed portrait of herself and her handsome pilot. she admires it for a moment, until a noise from outside grabs her attention. She peers through the Venetian blinds at the grand brick home directly across the street.
SOLD
The Real Estate Agent wearing the famous gold blazer is handing the keys over to the happy new home owners. The playful couple get "caught up in the moment" kissing and goggling while the agent enjoys a moment of nostalgia. He says to his clients, "I wish my little lady was still as... enthusiastic as you." The cute red headed wife Susan platonicly flirts back by saying "I can't imagine why she wouldn't be." He then coyly invites himself to their upcoming house warming party, skips off in the rain to remove the sold sign and stores it in the trunk of his massive chartreuse green Buick Rivera. The new homeowners duck under the eve to escape the freshly falling rain and speak briefly about plans for the day and how this big move was going to change everything, for the better. We quickly find out that Susan Miller is a firecracker that sometimes doesn't like to follow the rules. She tries to get her husband Bruce to stay home from his new job as he shelters her from the rain with his coat. He begins to count down their run to the brick red Cadillac Coupe De Ville waiting on the street for them, "On Three... 1..." She yells out "THREE" and runs ahead of him in the rain. Yes... this playful couple... now passionately making out in the rain, have been captured by the radar of their sexy new neighbors, Tom and Trina Decker, seasoned swinging hosts living just across the street.
"Ground Beef 88 Cents a Pound?!?"
We are introduced to the Millers neighbor, coupon-wielding Janet Thompson st the butcher counter of the A&P. She is obviously upset about her best friend moving to a nicer neighborhood around the corner. She makes somewhat snide remarks in front of the butcher who is nice enough to hold boxes for Susan to help with the move. Now, the spicy red head has a quick wit and knows how to handle her friend's insecurities. As the friends make their way to the check out line, Janet is still selfishly speaking her mind about the big move. Susan, with a hopeful smile on her face explains, "They say change is good, to be honest, I feel like I'm ready for the next thing, ya' know?" Janet replies, "Hum, I guess I've always been happy with the way things are. You know, all this time I had no idea you were so unsatisfied." and continues placing items on the belt, not noticing how this statement affected her friend. The look on Susan's face gives away her feeling, first unbelief, then a glimpse of "could I be dissatisfied?"
Favors
Samantha Saxon, a young teen is shopping in her parent's garage pantry, grabbing canned pudding, a flashlight and Vienna Wieners, you know, the essentials for when a young lady just needs to "get away". She hops on her bike just when her mother Gail calls her name for her upstairs bedroom window. Samantha is clutching a man's wedding ring on a chain and tucks it inside her shirt before braving the rain on her bike. Gail, who's decked out in a black negligee and huge dark sunglasses that are too big for her face, tells Samantha to go on a Tin Foil run up to the store. and reluctantly offers her daughter money for her trouble. Honestly, my first impression is not a good one... surprised that she didn't just toss the cash out the window.
In Honor of the Nations 200th Birthday
We now meet teacher Doug Stephens and the Millers daughter Laurie Miller.Laurie is almost waif, light skinned with long dark hair. She seems to be enraptured by her summer school teacher Mr. Stephens, who looks like he came straight out of the movie Grease, minus the leather jacket. At the end of class she makes sure he knows that she will be in town for the long holiday weekend. He stays safely seated through the ring of the bell and tells Laurie, "Good Luck with the move." What more could she expect from him, I mean, he's her teacher right? Plus the room was full of kids!
Golden Years
Laurie makes her way outside in her blue jeans and tight fitting Rainbow and Clouds t-shirt. Awaiting is her trusted steed Logan, driving his school bus colored hard top convertible Land Cruiser. She hops in and they kiss. She says, "You're stoned", he hands her a joint which she doesn't hesitate to partake and they drove off.
Things Used On The Hair
Trina is relaxing, enjoying a cigarette and watching a day time game show. Tom arrives form taking their new playmate Tammy home. Turns out she lives with her parents! Whoops! They speak briefly and agree to "keep it in their age range for a while" and we discover that Trina was once a flight attendant as well. That's how they met. And in true Decker fashion, they start making out on the couch.
Darling If You Want Me To Be Closer To You, Get Closer To Me
A few blocks away, the Millers are gathering last minute items, waiting for the children to get back home. Bruce is feeling frisky and wants to swing by the new abode for they may not be able to enjoy much alone time once they get all moved in. Susan has been pondering Janet's selfish comments at the grocery store and asks Bruce, "Do I seem unsatisfied to you?" He almost chuckled, "What are you talking about?" He sweetly caresses her cheek and chin, "We have everything we ever wanted." She dismisses it and he revisits the thought of running by the new house.
Oblivious Donna Reed
Over at the Thompson's house two pre-teen boys are in Ricky Thompson's locked bedroom perusing Bruce Millers Penthouses that his son BJ discovered in the basement during the move. They decide that it's Finders Keepers because Bruce will just think that the movers swiped them. It's quite the find too because it's a box that could fit an old microwave. Remember how big they were back then? Ricky, the son of a dysfunctional, plaid wearing Donna Reed wanna-be is bragging about his supposed sexual close call with one off their classmates, Betsy Purdis when his father Roger knocks on the door cheerfully calling for his son. Ricky says, "GO AWAY DAD!" As the boys scramble to hide the magazines, one of which ends up sticking out from underneath the bed. BJ plants himself on top of the big ass box full of Penthouses and Ricky unlocks the door. Roger cautiously walks in and is curious, but happy to see his son. Ricky has very short answers, but is quick to send his dad away. An oblivious Janet pops in and announces BJ is staying for dinner. "It's Sloppy Joe Night at the Thompson's! Roger is proud of his wife's talents in the kitchen and all are told to wash up. As dad turns to abide by his wife's wishes, he notices the corner of the magazine badly hidden. He picks it up and asks, "Where the HECK did you get this?" Ricky fumbles for his words, but Roger is smart not to expect the truth. He hands the Penthouse back to his son and exclaims, "Don't let your mother catch you with this, she'll have a coronary on the spot." He grins at the boys as he leaves and they are dumbfounded at the nonchalant way Mr. Thompson handled this. Luckily Janet didn't notice the microwave box BJ was sitting on!
Aluminum Foil
Samantha gets back from the grocery store with a paper sack full of tin foil. She walks down the dimly lit hallway, calls out for her mom and reaches for the bedroom door handle when Gail abruptly yells, (not wanting to be bothered...) "Just leave it out in the hall." She warns her daughter to quit breaking into the house next door because "the new family is moving in tomorrow." She leaves the bag behind and runs away. Lemme guess, this 'gloom and doom girl' is gonna' hang out in the empty house one last time. And She DOES! When she gets there, from the window of a bedroom, Samantha observes her mother, next door, carefully covering her windows with Tin Foil. The young Samantha is disgusted and confused, but knows more about her mother's lifestyle and bad habits than Gail thinks.
Come And Get Your Love
Samantha's clutching her necklace with the ring on it when the Millers arrive and begin getting frisky. Bruce carries his bride over their new threshold and they giggle and chase each other around the empty house with bad wallpaper. They are kissing pretty heavily and Bruce begins to undress when Susan says, "Bruce, hold on, give me two seconds to catch up..." He literally counts down the seconds, eagerly removes his pants and has his hand up her skirt but then she gets adamant, "Hold On!" Breathlessly, Bruce exclaims, "What? What's the problem?" She innocently replies, "It's easy for you to get there, it's not always so easy to keep you there once I join in." He immediately considers that a "low blow" and Susan tries to explain herself.
Saved By The Bell
Tom and Trina Decker are standing on the Miller's new stoop with a bottle of Dom Perignon, decked out in matching red jogging outfits. They apologize for the obvious interruption as Bruce and Susan struggle for their words. Introductions take place and Susan states they have no glasses. Trina smoothly says, "Well, if you like to SHARE, bring the wine over to to our party tomorrow night." Tom chimes in, "Yeah, we'll light the fireworks and make some new friends... whatever you're into!" Susan begins a default decline is pleasantly surprised when Bruce sort of shushes her and says,"We'll try to make it." Trina warns that it will be a late night. (WINK WINK) With raised eyebrows the millers look at each other and curiously watch their sexy new neighbors jog into the night.
Straight and Narrow
Everyone is preparing for a big day:
Poolside, Tom and Trina are discussing last minute details for the party and whether or not their new friends will actually show up. He thinks they are nice, good looking and could be fairly popular in the lifestyle. He asks Trina if she's interested and she admits she doesn't know. "Seem a little straight and narrow, might be kind of a tough sell." Trina comes back with what should be her tag line... "Easy is Boring."
Back at the old homestead, the block party is well on it's way, complete with color coordinated dome charcoal grills, handmade banners, balloons and a festive 4th of July hand painted fire hydrant. Let's not forget the firecrackers, which Ricky gets yelled at by his strict mother Janet because he "could loose a finger."
Inside the now empty Miller house, the phone rings. It's Logan. He and Laurie have a obviously short, guarded conversation because Susan is standing there with her arms crossed, but wearing a grin. Laurie hangs the phone back on the wall and faces her mom. They begin to have "The Talk". Susan is curious about how SERIOUS the two are. She is slightly insulted but mostly relieved when Laurie spells it out for her... "Look, I get it that I'm the same age you were when dad knocked you up... times have changed mom... you don't need to worry, I'm smarter than that." They continue to have a sweet mother daughter chat and they embrace. An anxious Bruce walks in, calls for BJ, gives everyone a last chance to say goodbye to their home. He is ready to get the show on the road and gives Susan a hard time for being sentimental. Susan stays behind for a moment, takes a last stroll throughout the house, gets all nostalgic and finds herself weeping on the bedroom floor. You can tell that she's sad to leave this house where she raised her children, but is excited to move on to the "next thing."
Saturday In The Park
Susan's family is waiting out in the convertible Caddy and Bruce gets a chance to say "Adios!" to his longtime neighbor and friend Roger. Bruce shows his soft side and tells Roger that he will be missed and would take him with him if he could. It's possible Rogers response was not the male-bonding moment Bruce was expecting. All he said was, "I'll help you back out so you won't run over any kids. Susan comes out to the car when Janet rushes over with Susan's going away present, a hand made scrapbook full of flower clippings, pictures and recipes. (YAWN) Susan appreciated her gift and watches as her high maintenance friend breaks down. Janet barely gets out, "You've just been my best friend for so long." With a smile, Susan reassures her, "That won't change." The car pulls out and everyone waves goodbye. Roger, wearing a Kiss the Cook apron stands with his wife and watches as the liveliest people in their lives drive away to their new home... their new lives. Boy... they had no idea what was in store for them!
Discovery
BJ is upstairs setting up his new bedroom and finds Samantha's belongings that she has squandered away in his closet, including her ring on a chain. He hears scampering below his window and discovers a girl shuffling through the bushes. They make eye contact, he blinks and she disappears.
Love Will Keep Us Together
Janet is packing away the leftovers in her Tupperware, badly singing off key with Captain and Tennille when the phone rings. Susan was lingering in her new scrapbook and called to see if Janet won another Blue Ribbon and to apologize for not being able to stay for the BBQ. When she hangs up, Bruce cracks open the bottle of Dom and asks if Janet had slit her wrists yet. Susan explains that even though her friend was a handful, she was loyal. Bruce brings up the Decker's party and Susan tries to say it won't be possible. BJ announces that he's going to the movies so it's a date! They toast to their new life and how good things are going for them right now.
Laurie bumps into her teacher Mr. Stevens at the beach and they end up talking about grades and her essay. Looks like she has her mother's habit of not following the rules. This time, it cost her an expected exceptional grade.
The More The Merrier
Susan saunters downstairs and Bruce gives her a spin. They are ready to go across the street to the party, but he takes a moment to admire and enjoy his wife when the doorbell rings. Lo and behold, it's the Thompson's with Tupperware Containers full of leftover brats and burgers from the Independence Day block party. Bruce says they were just stepping out and Susan explains they were headed over to the new neighbors house. Janet is immediately put off and wears her feeling on her plaid sleeve. "Out with the old, in with the new." Susan attempts to soften this obvious blow and invites the Thompson's to go with them, not at all expecting them to actually accept and come along. Bruce is NOT doing jumping jacks at this invasion, and Janet jumps at the opportunity to hang out with her best friend. Next thing you know, the four of them are escorted into the party by Tom Decker with a hearty "The more the merrier!" Bruce doesn't really want to admit that the two standing at the door with them are friends, so he attempts to correct Susan's introduction with, "They're old neighbors actually." Janet picks up on this slight and they all enter the party where everyone one is already dancing and having a good time.
Harvey Walbangers
Trina welcomes the two couples while the men follow Tom to the bar to fetch everyone a Harvey Walbanger, oh... and a Chablis for Janet. Introductions ensue and Janet states if she's "called the 'Old Neighbor' one more time she's going home to hang herself." Trina smiles and offers to take the ladies on a tour. Of course Janet chooses to stay put and wait for her husband.
Go Your Own Way
Laurie and Logan are down at the beach to enjoy the July 4th festivities. The two pretty much get in a fight. She thinks he's a stoner who isn't interested in who she really is, and he thinks she's an uptight intellectual. Logan makes a crude comment that she likes him enough to "get into her pants every night", and in a fit of disgust and liberation she peels down to her panties and dives into the ocean.
Coke-A-Cola?
Back at the party, Trina enters the bedroom with Susan and they find coke head Gail Saxon (Samantha's mom) trying to get a fix with an empty vial. Trina attempts to introduce Gail to her new neighbor, but all she's interested in is getting more coke. She ignores the polite introduction and bluntly asks Susan, "Do you have and coke?" just like she was asking for a pencil. Trina safely sends Gail off with a , "Honey, I think Stew's looking for you." Gail delivers a dry "Big surprise" as she slips on her famous dark sunglasses and leaves the room... definitely in search of more coke, not Stew. Trina nonchalantly mentions that Gail and Stew need to open their marriage, but he's too uptight to play. Of course this opens up the conversation to having sex with other people. The girls discuss "cheating" and Trina explains that it's not cheating when, "it's all out on the table... Tom and I have reached a new level of intimacy. Susan admits that she is not experienced in those ways of the world, having gotten married and settled down with a family straight out of high school, before the "whole Woodstock counter culture began". Trina elaborates on how the Lifestyle has improved their marriage in many positive ways, including amazing sex, and offers her new friend a Quaalude. She encourages, "I'm happy to tell you the train is still boarding... honestly, opening our marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me and Tom." And with that, she leaves Susan in the bedroom to ponder the lifestyle and whether to take the Luude or not. And She Does.
Don't You Say My Name! Say You're A Liar!!!
Childhood friends, BJ and Ricky are leaving the movie theater, walking their bikes. The boys are discussing "The Omen" when out of the blue, a pissed off Betsy Purdis attacks Ricky, pulling hair and cussing. She's claiming he's been spreading a rumor that the two young-ins have been "doing it" when actually they never had. Betsy kicks him square in the face and yells, "If you EVER say my name again, I swear you're dead." She spits on him and walks away leaving a bloody, weepy heap on the sidewalk. His friend BJ, who tried to intervene and got shoved, says he'll go get help. Ricky, embarrassed, says he needs no help and to just leave him alone. "Are you deaf? GET OUT OF HERE!"
Tom, Bruce and Bud Green are networking by the pool. They are passing a joint around and Bruce shrugs his shoulders and tokes away. What the hell, right? Gina walks up to Bud and let's him know she's "available". Roger and Janet, standing nearby, witness this. A disgusted Janet feels the need to find Susan. Gina slicks off and follows with a "Think I'm going to the basement." Bruce is curious and finds out the basement is actually the "playroom". The two men go off to set off the fireworks, leaving Roger standing there alone. But not for long because Susan spots him and steps by his side to talk. He tells he that her new neighbors are "really something". She replies with a sultry, "I'll say." Just then the fireworks shoot up into the sky. Now, it's my personal observation that Susan and Roger share a few sparks that they WOULD NEVER pursue.
I just LOVE how Trina works, and how sly she is. Janet stops her, in search of Susan. Trina purposely directs this unexpected, absolute vanilla guest to the basement. She could have done this for a myriad of reasons. One could be to introduce her to the lifestyle with a bang. Another could be to ensure her early departure, bet certainly NOT to find Susan there. Trina's Cheshire cat look was priceless!
Bruce comes back to discover Roger and Susan standing together. Roger spots Bruce and steps out of the way. The Millers greet each other lovingly and they share their new discovery about their new neighbors... Oh, and the fact that she took a Quaalude. Bruce sincerely wants to make sure his wife is OK, but as it turns out, they are both somewhat considering dabbling in the lifestyle of the Decker's.
Oh Say Does That Star Spangled Banner Yet Wave
Roger looks around and sees Tom and Trina kissing and smiling to each other, and over by the pool Bruce and Susan still embraces and sweetly enjoying each other. You can see he craves that kind of intimacy with Janet. Meanwhile, plaid laden Janet has in fact opened the door to the private playroom. Bud, surrounded by at least 3 female party goers, invites her in by exclaiming, "Why don't you kick your shoes off Mama, and join the party?" Janet's jaw hits the floor and she starts running. She runs until she finds Roger and her old neighbors and shares in disgust, "Roger, we are leaving right now." She turns to the millers and says, "You won't believe what kind of party this is." She crosses her arms and continues, "We don't belong here. You have no IDEA what kind of people these are. Susan, I'm not kidding, these people are SICK." She waits for them to grab their coats or something. She is speechless when Bruce firmly, but politely states, "We're gonna' stay." Janet runs off as stiff limbed as a robot. Roger hastens, and gives his old neighbors a smile that lets them know he understands. He turns to follow Janet and Bruce, kisses Susan on the cheek.
Kindly Use The Door
Across the street, BJ is surprised when he is greeted by Samantha in his bedroom. "Where is it? My Ring! I know you have it!" He pulls the chain out of his pocket and hands it to her. He wonders out loud why she keeps that ring. She hesitantly explains that it's her long lost fathers and it reminds her never to get married. He asks, "Are you running away?" She replies, "You should mind your own business." and climbs out the bedroom window in which she came.
Dream Weaver
Back at the party, the Millers and the Decker's have found them themselves all cuddly in the living room with no sounds of a big party going on, except what can be seen through the wall of windows. Tom plays a record (Remember those?) and offers everyone a drink. Bruce is nice and toasty and almost nods off. He's rubbing his wife's feet and she's still realizing the luude. Tom starts to massage her shoulders, then takes her hand in his and compliments her. He exchanges that knowing look with Trina and almost on cue she sits in front of Bruce. She places her hand on top of Bruce's. Susan seems to be enjoying the attention, the the spark hits Bruce and he smiles at Trina. She invites, "Why don't the 4 of us go someplace quieter?" Hand in hand each couple make their way to the bedroom.
With rubber gloves, Janet Thompson is furiously scrubbing the stove as Roger tries to console her by saying, "Why don't you come to bed?" She answers, "Because we live in a pig sty." He reaches for her and she yelps, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Just then Ricky returns home beaten and battered and his parents scramble to comfort and help him. Laurie retires in bed with a book and BJ rests at his bedroom window and watches Samantha ride off on her bike.
July 4th, 1976 The Morning After
Amongst a counter full of High Ball Glasses and half drank cocktails, we find Tom mixxing a breakfast smoothie while Trina ties one her bikini and dives into the pool. Janet is frying an egg served sunny side up, delivers the breakfast platters to her bruised son and enjoys her cup of tea at the dining table with her family in the bright and shiny breakfast nook. Bruce and Susan are enjoying post-coital bliss, all giggly and kissing. He arises to take a shower and the show ends with Susan in bed pondering. Pondering What?
Well, I think most of us have been there. Possibly Tom, Tom and Trina, or could it simply be the party and "I can't believe we sis that!" Maybe it's the realization that she IS a satisfied woman, just that there's so much more around the corner in store for her and her family. Things that she never dreamed. Maybe it the excitement of making new friends or as basic as a new home filled with a loving husband and a wonderful family. Also... most of us have a high maintenance friend like Janet! Well... for sure, there WILL be another party! Fondue Anyone?